Sand between my toes!

08 June 2010

Sometimes life is just too hard....

Since coming back from holiday it has been hard to get back in the swing of things.  Post piled up that had to be opened, emails that hadn't been answered, catching up on Facebook.  It all takes time to get going.  I always feel that there is a sort of lethargy that afflicts me after I have been away, a sort of deflation.

I think SJ feels the same, as we have had more rows in one week than we have usually in months.
SJ is not very good with money, but since turning 18 and officially an adult (something she reminds me of on a daily basis) I have found it harder and harder to reason with her so we end up arguing. While on holiday my other two girls thought that rather than get all worked up trying to reason with her that I should just ignore her when she is in an argumentative mood.  However, this would mean ignoring her virtually every day at some point.

Take Sunday for example, we were off to the quiz,  a regular feature every week and we have been going for some months now.  Maths, is not SJ forte, and handling money is still a big issue, mainly because she just won't listen and takes the easy option of paying with notes, so that she gets change, which weighs down her purse.  Mind you, she always makes sure that she has at least a few one pound coins for the Juke box?!

Anyhow, we were leaving and SJ knows that she needs to have a pound for the entry fee and a pound for the raffle, but didn't have a pound, neither did I, so to make it easier we had some pound coins saved up and I suggested that she use one of her ten pound notes and change it into ten one pound coins.  This was not what she wanted and try as I might to make her understand that the coins were the same in value as the note, even though, I know logically that she does know this, she was having none of it.  What should I have done?  Not gone?  That is being childish, which is how I felt.  It is scary to think how quickly we can be reduced to illogical and irrational behaviour.

So off we go and halfway there I introduce the scenario that we will be playing as a team on our own, just the two of us, as the team that we sometimes play in has too many players.  So here we go again, SJ insisting that she will be playing in the team of her choice and not with me alone.  Again at this point I did turn back and said I didn't want to go to the quiz any-more, however, SJ was undeterred and continued to walk to the pub.  

As I stood there, I felt, not for the first time, the full impact of my responsibility and relationship with my daughter who was now an adult and wanted to do things her way.  Or no way, it seemed.  A melancholy has come over me since then and I really am not sure how to get rid of it, as every day there seems to be another reason for us to fall out or argue, not ten minutes ago, SJ calls me not for the first time today because her computer isn't working and she can't get the internet.  I cannot resolve it immediately so she gets agitated because she is supposed to be having a web-cam call with her Dad at 5pm.  This is crucial to SJ and as anyone with a child with DS knows, when their Autistic side kicks in reason goes out the window.  I point out that I cannot solve it and go to switch off the computer, when she shouts at me to leave it alone, not understanding in that instant, that she can't use it anyway. 

Today I just want to lie down in a nice quiet place and not be interrupted for anything.  No chance of that happening I fear.

To top it all I haven't posted some birthday cards that I wanted to.....there's always tomorrow, I suppose.

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